Bri Carnegie
After spending a childhood moving constantly around the northern part of California, Bri Carnegie ended up in Lockport, NY in 2015, at age 17. It’s here that she became an adult, working and developing her art through pure perseverance.
If you’ve popped into the liquor store next to Jiffy Mart in the Licata Building downtown, you’ve likely been greeted by Bri. A very pleasant, kinda goth, kinda punk, very cool young woman who has quick one-liners and rapid rapport with regulars and new faces alike, who will jump to help an older person with a heavy bottle or a passerby in need of a phone, Bri has marked Walnut Street Liquor Store as her spot for the better part of a year.
She spent some time stomping around the food service scene in LKPT when she was younger, gaining friends and experience along the way. She’s been living on her own since 19, figuring out all that fun adult stuff like rent, bills, transportation, and work schedules, while continuing to pursue her passions and building up her support system of chosen family within the city. “It’s really crazy because it’s the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere. Even though I grew up in California, Lockport is where I spent most of my adult life,” Bri said.
Born in Hayward, California, Bri’s childhood was marked by a series of moves her single mother made with her young family all over northern California, and with a belief that, year over year, her mom was dying of a rare brain cancer called glioblastoma multiforme. “That’s what she said it was,” Bri said.
But year over year, her mom didn’t die. The family kept moving, and Bri found herself the main caregiver of her younger brother and sister, acting as a therapist and nurse to her mom, and taking care of whichever house they happened to end up in in whichever city or town they had landed in that month. “We moved around a lot because she couldn’t work. We ended up at different places at different times,” she said.
While moving constantly, taking care of her brother and sister, the maybe-dying mom, and the house(s), Bri also attended to her schooling via independent study, which is kind of like homeschooling but without an instructor or guide. There’s a teacher there, in whichever school district they happened to be in, who she would turn her “homework” into (the work she did based on the textbook she taught herself from) and who would then correct it and offer mini lessons. “I always got pretty good grades because I’m pretty good on my own,” Bri said.
Bri wasn’t allowed out of the house during this time. No sleepovers, no socializing with peers. Just the family, the textbooks, and the church. And music.
Everyone in the family played music. Mom sang, her brother was a drummer and guitarist who dabbled in rap. And Bri’s main passion is a combination of both: singing and the guitar. “We used to play music all the time together,” she said.
“I have a lot more space and freedom to expand all the thoughts that I wanted to express.”
Due to life life’ing, the time she’s had to dedicate to music and writing has waxed and waned, but as she gets older and finds her POV maturing, Bri hopes to build back her calluses. “I have a lot more space and freedom to expand all the thoughts that I wanted to express,” she said.
Thinking about her music and songwriting, Bri hopes to start connecting with people through song again.
“I feel like even if I spend 30 minutes a day trying to play the guitar that’s enough to show that I care for it,” she said. “It’s like this thing I heard where it was like, ‘If you’re trying to love yourself you already do.’
“So that’s kind of how I feel towards my music. I’ve been wanting to put myself out there a little bit more, but I always get nervous because it’s hard to expose myself like that because the music I write isn’t something like, oh he loves me, I love him, la la la, I want to write about things like, the thoughts that people don’t talk about. Like how it feels to be in a room and not be with people, you know?
“I want people to know that they can be heard through my lyrics. I think music should be vulnerable. Like, it should be very bare bones as opposed to very mainstream.”
Bri doesn’t read sheet music, but she can memorize it. Her friend recently broke it down for her: ‘I can read music but you can make music. There’s a major difference.’
“I think music is the only thing I’ve ever been passionate about. So it feels like one of those things where, if I’m gonna let it die out, I might as well give it one last try.”
“I think honestly when she said that that’s what made me want to pick up my guitar again,” Bri said.
“I think music is the only thing I’ve ever been passionate about. So it feels like one of those things where, if I’m gonna let it die out, I might as well give it one last try.”
Bri explores many other arty and “nerdy” interests in addition to music. Anime, video gaming and astrology top the list; these all have assisted her in forging connections with random strangers.
Pointing to one of her necklaces, Bri mused: “This was actually given to me by a customer because I talk to literally everyone about their zodiac sign. And she was like, you always compliment my necklace, so I brought you one.”
That same day, another customer came into the shop and gave her a candle they had made, comprised of crystal, incense and herbs.
Bri is an amateur tarot reader as well, with several colorful decks at hand that she uses to guide what she sees in others. Her adeptness at reading is likely driven by her natural abilities of intuition and empathy; Bri also has an avid interest in psychology, the understanding of memory, and the view that everything is connected.
Bri’s able to explore these natural abilities in her current gig at Walnut, where she finds herself conversing with and learning from all manner of people, from all walks of life.
“I don’t know people’s names. I just know something about their life,”
“I don’t know people’s names. I just know something about their life,” she said. “I get to experience so many different types of people.”
One regular recently remarked on the variety of band tees that Bri can be seen in – AC/DC, Metallica, Pink Floyd – and ended up telling her about their time working at a local stadium, regaling Bri with stories of all of the artists they’d met in their time there, including Elvis Presley. “I’m like, you’re the coolest lady I know! I would never know, you just come in here and get a bottle of wine and leave,” she laughed.
“But I think that’s why I like talking to people because you never know what they’ve experienced in life. I’ve talked to retired cops, I’ve talked to people who have turned their whole lives around. Sometimes I’ll get people that are like, ‘This is the last time you’re going to see me. I’m going to rehab,’ and I’m like, ‘I hope I never see you, in the best way!’ I always try to be encouraging. Everybody needs somebody.”
Bri encounters a true slice of the community at the store, people who bring in their sadness or elation, celebration or mourning. One commonality she’s discovered is that everyone has respect for the staff and the shop. “I thought I might get a lot of trouble in the store, but it’s the opposite,” she said. “I think this place is really protected by the community.”
“I think this place is really protected by the community.”
The outpouring of concern during the May fire at the Licata Building was emblematic of this. “The whole community turned out. They were all worried. Three employees from Big Ditch ran over. They were like, you guys okay?,” she said. Local social media was alight that night, with people bemoaning the flames and worried about their neighbors and those little shops, the ones they take for granted will always be there; the ones, like Jiffy Mart, that they remember from their youth. Walnut Street Liquor was undamaged by smoke or flame, and was reopened the next day. Jiffy Mart and the new Jamaican packaged goods shop, Spicez International, have yet to reopen.
Bri’s unstable childhood could have rendered her incapable of dealing with trauma as it does with so many others, but she’s been able to harness opportunities to grow and evolve from the experience instead. “I really helped myself through a lot of this mental stuff,” she said. “One thing I always thought about was that identity is really important. That’s something that I lost throughout my entire childhood because the one person who was supposed to guide me in life and teach me what was right and wrong made me do it myself. I guess it has pros and cons, but I think I’m okay.”
“Sometimes not having to experience the troubles of life leads to a blissfully unaware existence, which I think we find we can be jealous of. I think that’s the point, though. That’s peak life.”
Seeing the past as an opportunity instead of a roadblock is a gift Bri does not take for granted. “Sometimes not having to experience the troubles of life leads to a blissfully unaware existence, which I think we find we can be jealous of,” she said. “I think that’s the point, though. That’s peak life.
“That’s where you want to be. I think an existence without problems would be nice, but the knowledge of them is important, too…I think everything I went through was very necessary in life.”
Bri’s mom is still alive, somewhere in northern New York, living near Bri’s sister, who was taken from their mom when she was still young due to neglect and who was then adopted into another family. “I can’t say with 100 percent certainty that this is true. But I’m 99 percent sure that she lied about having that cancer my entire life,” Bri said. “You go from your mom possibly dying every Christmas to she’s actually maybe a drug addict. The whole lore is crazy. Every time I tell people that, they’re like, what? Is that actually your life?”
With the main caregiver, Bri, leaving the family when her siblings were still so small, she couldn’t help but feel guilt about it. “[The neglect] was something that was very prominent in my childhood, but once I left, it was harsher on my sister because she was left behind,” she said. “You hear about that sibling guilt of the oldest who leaves the youngest behind. It’s something that’s been really hard to work through, but me and my sister are very close.” Her sister now has a different first and last name, but kept her middle name. Bri had given it to her when she was born. “She’s my number one person,” she said.
Although Bri wasn’t born in this area, she became the adult she is today here. Her efforts at self-betterment, the way she’s navigated adulthood alone, and the nurturing she provides her chosen family and strangers alike even in the midst of “becoming mentally stable” the years after her childhood are to be admired. “There’s always an opportunity to grow…It’s all about perspective,” she said.
“The one thing I really want to do in life is just constantly grow.”
“You can lose your mind over anything, but there’s always time for that later once you’re in a stable position. Maybe that’s a trauma response, but I think it’s a good one.
“The one thing I really want to do in life is just constantly grow. Find something to better myself with. Stagnancy is just so boring.”
Written by Kristy Lock
My name is Kristy and I’m an American journalist, specializing in profile writing. I’ve told the stories of frenetic & fascinating people in Chicago, Illinois, Los Angeles, California, and my hometown of Western New York for nearly two decades. Feel free to drop me a line! I would love to hear your story sometime.
Photos by Kristy Lock. Shot at the Kenan Center & Walnut Street Liquor, Lockport, NY. Full photo set can be found on Flickr.